So I’m a fan of Jesus. Not so much in the “Lord and Savior” sense; more in the way that he’s inspired so much interesting art and culture. Lots of killing-in-the-name-of and oppression and all that too, but I’m more focused on the aesthetic side. I have a collection of, as my wife calls it, “Jesurabilia”—art, sculpture, etc.—which for the most part resides in my basement. Those who know me well will sometimes pick up things for me when they see something they know I’ll appreciate.

This particular shirt was a gift in that vein. It features the man himself in red with large letters proclaiming: “JESUS IS COMING” and then the punch line “LOOK BUSY”.

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So you remember a while back when I wrote about my senior prom and how I wore a T-shirt with a tux jacket, bow tie and cummerbund? Yeah, this is that T-shirt. I used to really love this T-shirt in high school. I wore it all the time with my ripped jeans and flannel shirts. Now I think it is a little much, but in high school, everything is a little much.

This is yet another clearance rack find from my days of going to the mall willingly. It features a huge, red-and-white-striped, psychedelic Cheshire cat, with spiraling vortex eyes and a giant trademark grin. The back has, in red, lumpy, distorted, arbitrarily capitalized letters, the famous quote from the cat in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland: “we’RE ALL MAD HErE. I’m MAd. You’Re MAD.”

I found out after I met my wife that her sister had this same shirt, which is kinda weird, but not really.

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Today’s shirt is another one I got from one of my brothers who spent time in Japan. It is a white short-sleever featuring a rendering of the famous print “The Great Wave off Kanagawa” by Hokusai (yes, I had to look it up). I believe I got this shirt prior to 1990, as I have memories of wearing it then. You probably can’t see it in the picture, but in the white space on the lower front of this shirt, there are some tiny dark specks which I got in, I think, 8th grade shop class, when I wore this shirt on the day that we were staining some oversized wooden clothespins we had made. In the process I got little droplets of wood stain splattered on my shirt, which, of course, will never come out. I was pretty disappointed in myself because I did like this shirt and I felt that I had effectively ruined it. Now I just think of them as part of the story of the shirt. Also, I think there needs to be more T-shirts featuring works of art presented simply and minimally.

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Also, on an unrelated subject, my son has begun wearing the “Batman – The Ride” shirt that I featured a while back, so here is a picture to show how much better it fits on him:

A while back I wrote about how I had a job at a place that screen printed T-shirts, among other things, and while I never actually did that myself, the company would occasionally let us pick through the rejects. This is another one of those shirts that I got from the flawed pile. As with the one before, I can’t tell what it was that was wrong with it, but unlike the other, this is one that I genuinely liked.

It features a square image on the chest of an upside-down cow, with the front half of the cow out of frame. Behind are a simple horizon line and a crescent moon. Below the image, in an unsteady, downward-slipping script are the words “Really, I’m fine…” In the corner, in small print, it indicates that this was a design from Hallmark’s Shoebox Greetings division, which I could have done without, but whatever.

I really liked this T-shirt. I felt it encapsulated my mood most of the time: that is, generally, I feel like I’m an upside-down cow trying to project humility. I used to wear it pretty regularly, especially in situations where I wanted to make an impression.

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Another shirt from the tiny-T phase today; this one is from Oregon State University. I am not an OSU fan nor have I ever been one; the only reason I got this shirt was because the mascot of Oregon State is the Beavers, and because of the nature of the slang euphemistic use of that sobriquet. If you do not know what it is a euphemism for, then I am not going to tell you. Yes, I am the kind of guy who would wear a tiny-T as a salacious double-entendre for those in the know. To be honest, if I had found a normal-sized shirt, I don’t think I would have gotten it. I think its tiny-T-ness is the lynchpin of my sophomoric joke with myself in a way I’m not sure I can completely explain. I suspect it has to do with the fact that I am taking a shirt that is intended for a child or petite woman and putting it in the frame of reference of myself, as a man, which makes it more satirical. You may commence judging me now.

The shirt itself is white short-sleeve with a picture of the head of the OSU mascot who probably has a name that I do not know, but is a beaver wearing an orange sailor hat that says “OSU”. Around said beaver are the words “OREGON STATE BEAVERS”. Another nice touch is that on the left sleeve there is a little embroidered patch of the same beaver head.

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